Meet Cliff Roberts, the Adventurer of the Decade. There will be Adventurers of the Week and Day and so forth, depending on their adverturability, but I just want to let you know up front that Cliff Roberts surpasses them all.
My best friend and I discovered Cliff Roberts soon after arriving on campus. The first time we saw him, we were awestruck. We knew his name without being told. What else could this demigod be called?
It was in the dining hall, and he was in his typical plaid shirt, jeans, and leather Timberland boots, toting his satchel. He got macaroni and cheese, then turned and tossed his golden locks with a somber, sincere expression on his face that made us drop our crinkle fries.
We would see Cliff Roberts around campus, bravely sporting his well-groomed adventure beard. He seemed like a regular student, in and out of the main campus building, but we knew better. We knew about all of Cliff Roberts’ adventures.
Once, as he was making his fourth expedition up Mount Everest the night of winter solstice, he rescued a Swedish tourist from a Yeti. He beat the Yeti to death with two icicles, and then scooped the fainting maiden up in his arms and carried her to safety.
The picture above is when I saw Cliff Roberts on the bus, sitting directly across from me (!!!). I HAD to take a picture with my phone. I’d never gotten that close before. I could catch the mountain pine scent wafting across the aisle. After he got off the bus, I resisted the urge to follow him only because my knees were too weak to stand.
Cliff Roberts is a lumberjacking, mountain exploring, white water rafting, man-bag carrying, animal loving hunk of hotness. He has a golden retriever named Jenny, and she’s the only girl for him. She follows him on many of his adventures, despite the risk often involved.
Once, Jenny broke out of her doggy hotel where Cliff had put her up during one of his mountain expeditions. I believe it was in the Rockies, near Pike’s Peak in Colorado. Jenny wanted to be with Cliff so much that she scaled the cliffs racing after the scent trail of her familiar, loving master. Jenny fell into a crag about halfway up the mountain, and Cliff heard her desperate whimpering over a mile away. He raced to rescue her and carried her home across his shoulders like a lost lamb.
If you haven’t met Cliff Roberts formally, we’re in the same boat. But if you haven’t stalked him and drooled over his broad shoulders and strikingly manly frame, not to mention his long hairy legs and dolefully sexy gaze, you should. It’s worth every fantastic moment.