The kitchen counter is overflowing with organic flours and nuts and seeds of all kinds, her latest creations resting in Ziploc bags in the corners — piles of muffins with chunks of something that tastes better than it looks and cookies that would be served at a bird’s tea party, if birds had fingers to pick up tea cups with.

There’s butter in a pan and avocados in a blender with onions and jalapeños. Sweet potato slices go into the butter, but not before she apologizes profusely to the butter for the pan being too hot. A stemless glass of moscato wine sits precariously on the edge of the overwhelmed countertop, next to the full-to-bursting refrigerator.

She tosses an orange skittle to the dog and the sweet potatoes sizzle softly in the pan.

Suddenly, ninjas burst into the room, and the bulldog-pitbull mix goes wild with barking and snarling. As she watches in horror, they give him a sedative and he slinks off to the living room for a nap, no longer a threat. One ninja grabs the salt and starts to sprinkle it on the sweet potatoes! She karate chops his arm and he dashes out of the kitchen door in agony.

The other ninja snatches her secret fiber-licious bread recipe off the counter and starts to run away with it. But he is no match for her, as she splashes her wine in his eyes and round-house kicks him to the head. Losing consciousness only briefly, he snatches a bag of muffins and makes for the door, but the other dog has awoken from her nap and viciously deprives the ninja of his muffin loot. He abandons his mission and flees the scene.

She goes back to her evening meal preparation, eating homemade guacamole and stirring the sweet potatoes lovingly.

The chicken wraps turn out great. True story. I’ve got the guac stains to prove it.

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